Beef, yes. Roast beef. It's the Swedish term for "beef that has been roasted".

What a week it has been. I spent the past two and a half days under the weather, and for the first time in as long as I can recall. Prior to my weekend filled with fever and such, I watched the following list of movies:

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy (2005)
Bait (2000)
Tango & Cash (1989)
Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004)
Mr. and Mrs. Smith (2005)

Now let me explain something I believe I have failed to mention... I have the super expanded cable package deal with all the extra sports and movies that Charter offers. I'm not a big tv show fan, so if there isn't anything interesting on, I generally flip to HBO, Cinemax, Starz, etc. Given that information, you can understand why some of the movies I will list on here in the future may appear more than once. (Or make no sense whatsoever why I would watch it!)

The Hitchhiker's Guide was flippin' whacked out. After it was over, I felt like my brain had just been scrambled with an egg beater and poured out into a tall glass for me to drink. You get sense of that bizarre reference if you've seen this movie. What kind of acid or PCP was the writer on when he came up with this story? Honestly, I'm not sure whether I liked it or hated it.

Lemony Snicket's, on the other hand... I think there was more to like than hate. Once you get used to the style of humor and flow of the story, it becomes easier to watch and enjoy. I expect the next time I see it to be more fun. Jim Carrey is insane, as usual. I remember when this movie was being filmed... other members of the cast said that Jim would never break character, even after they completed a shoot. He is definitely one of a kind.

As for this past weekend, all I can say is DAMN... fever and chills do not mix well with choices in what to watch. I was so miserable from how I felt that once the first movie ended (on whatever cable channnel I was on), I was too weak and unmotivated to reach out from under the warm blanket to grab the remote. All I have to say is... I warned you. Here's what I ended up watching on Saturday and Sunday:

No Way Out (1987)
Popeye (1980)
Out of Sight (1998)
The Manhattan Project (1986)

I think I may have slept through a few others I didn't watch. The only one I can really justify there is Out of Sight. JLo makes a sick boy feel better! Thank God there were like 50 different basketball games on the rest of the time, or who knows what hell I would have ended up putting myself through!!!

Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.

Had to add another post today. I watched Heartbreak Ridge (1986), and could not resist sharing some of the quotes from this movie. It's been one of my favorite military movies for a long time. There's absolutely nothing better than Clint Eastwood growling smart ass remarks for 2 hours! If you've seen Full Metal Jacket (1987) or Biloxi Blues (1988), I highly recommend Heartbreak Ridge. Who Rah!

Here are some of the best lines Clint had as Gunnery Sergeant Highway:

"With all due respect, sir, you're beginning to bore the hell out of me."

"I've drank more beer, pissed more blood, and banged more quiff than all you numb-nuts put together."

Col. Meyers: What's your assessment of this situation, Gunny?
"It's a cluster fuck, sir. Marines shouldn't be sitting on their sorry asses filling out requisitions for equipment they should already have."

"Be advised, I'm mean, nasty and tired. I eat concertina wire and piss napalm and I could shoot a round through a flea's ass at 300 yards. So why don't you hump somebody else's leg mutt-face before I push yours in."

"This doesn't mean we'll be swappin' spit in the shower."

"Sergeant, get that contraband stogie out of my face before I shove it so far up your ass that you'll have to stick a match up your nose to light it!"

"You're dead marine, you just got your legs blown off and we'll hafta send out a search party for your testicles. Where's your cover? They indicate over to Profile who waves to them What the hell are ya doin' back there? Without any cover fire I'll get my ass shot off! While the rest of you are pumpin' the neighbors dog we'll get every swinging dick in this platoon killed!"

"Why don't I bend you over the table there... send you home with the "I just pumped the neighbor's cat" look on your face."

"And if I was a half as ugly as you, Sergeant Major, I'd be a poster boy for a prophylactic."

They stole it from us. Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!

"They cursed us. Murderer they called us. They cursed us. And we wept, Precious, didn't we? We wept to be so alone. And we only lust to catch fish so juicy sweet. And we forgot the taste of bread... the sound of trees... the softness of the wind. We even forgot our own name. My Precious."

Let's see... what movies have I watched recently? You should know at least three of them before I give the list below. LOTR rocks baby! Whenever you truly want to escape from reality, LOTR and Star Wars are highly recommended.

Since it's been over a week since my last post, I'm going to just list what I've watched (in no particular order):

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
Lucas (1986)
Internal Affairs (1990)
Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
Twisted (2004)
Troy (2004)
Sky High (2005)
Hook (1991)
Fantastic Four (2005)

Please feel free to comment or e-mail me on any of these. I'm more than willing to discuss different perspectives of movies.

One thing I plan on doing in a future post is a grading scale. I haven't totally decided on whether to just have one overall point system per movie, or to use a few separate categories. It may end up depending on each individual movie. I've found that reviews can sometimes be misleading if you just look at the overall grade. The main thing I look for in a movie is entertainment value, so a high score from critics that is based solely on potential award recognition (or lack thereof) is not always the best way to decide if I'm interesting in watching something or not.

Rock Bottom!

Within the past three to four days, I have watched some good, bad and ugly movies. (No pun intended there) I'm going to start with the bad first. Ever watched a movie, and after 5 minutes in to it, you ask yourself, "Why am I watching this???" Well, I'm an honest person, so I admit to this, even though I'm going to catch hell for it. I watched First Daughter (2004) the other night. It was late, and I couldn't find anything that I hadn't seen before that looked interesting, and I wasn't ready to go to bed. Why did I choose it? I have no clue. It has Katie Holmes and Michael Keaton in it, so maybe thoughts of Beetlejuice... or Tom Cruise dating a girl half his age... I dunno. At the beginning of the movie I thought there was promise... I found out Forest Whitaker directed it. Oh OK, this might be good then... uhhh, no. First off, Michael Keaton as the president???? PLEASE! I kept waiting for him to go stand in front of a mirror and begin mumbling, "I'm Batman." Or better yet, I was sure during a speech he would definitely hock a loogie into his jacket pocket and proclaim he was saving it for later. Seriously though, it wasn't the worst movie I've ever seen, not by a long shot, but I'm still shaking my head in disbelief that I watched the whole thing.

The following night, I watched Doom (2005). Now let me explain something first here before I talk about the movie. I am a release day junkie. I check the sale papers on Sunday, and keep track of when movies are coming out that I want to buy. If you get a new release the week it comes out, generally Target or Best Buy will have it for 15 or 16 bucks. But then the next week it's up to 20. Anyway, I thought Doom was really cool. Yeah, another one of those movies critics bash because it lacks depth regarding plot and character development, but like I've said before, WHO CARES? Doom is a mixture of Aliens and Resident Evil. There's a lot of suspense, and you don't really know what or when things are going to happen, and above all... it kept my interest. The sound and special effects were top notch. I've played the Doom video game a few times, and I'm fully aware of the inconsistency between the storyline of the game versus the movie. Hey video game fanatics...NEWSFLASH... movie storylines take prescedence over video game storylines. The same goes for books over movies. (Kind of like with paper, rock, scissors! Nevermind...) Anyway, back to the movie... in the game, the creatures appear because of dimentional gateways to hell opening due to exprerimentation by an aerospace agency. In the movie, there is a different approach by Hollywood. There is a gateway on Earth that teleports a person to Mars. Once Mars was colonized by people that began experimenting with human chromosomes. By adding an additional 24th chromosome, humans either became super-human in all aspects of their senses and strength, or they turned into zombies that eventually developed into huge demonic beasts. So the video game was different. Well whoopa dee doo!!! Go play your game bitches! Overall I would give Doom a 7.5 out of 10. Good popcorn flick if your in the mood for some sci-fi action with a lot of shooting and useless mayhem!

After watching Doom, I went to bed, but wasn't tired. While flipping the channels in the bedroom, I caught the opening credits of a movie... I think on FX or Spike. American Ninja 4: The Annihilation (1990). Now in no way can you take this kind of movie seriously. Because in truth, it sucks. BAD. But I always loved ninjas and martial arts growing up. Besides, the dialog and acting are so incredibly horrid that it almost becomes enjoyable to watch just to make fun of it.

Last night I watched The Brothers Grimm (2005). This is a tough one to critique. It gives the sense of Harry Potter, with the magic and such, but with much less enchantment. The beginning of the movie was somewhat jumbled, and I felt there needed to be more background on Matt Damon and Heath Ledger's characters. The plot slowly developed, and finally fell into place with roughly 20 minutes left. There was a great deal of humor injected as well, some well-timed and appreciated, but not always necessary. (A kitten was mutilated!) In all, I would only give The Brothers Grimm a 6.5 out or 10. And that may be a little biased since I always appreciate good sound and great effects.

No pain. No fear.

It's Ahhhhhnold! Like I said in the last post, I go through phases. I noticed that The Terminator (1984) was getting ready to come on HBO the other afternoon and I couldn't pass on it. The edited version is on tv all the time. (Disgrace!) And for some reason, I've never bought it, even though I own Part Two and Three. So of course I had to watch Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991) after finishing the first one. And I'm sure #3 will find its way into the DVD player sooner than later. Good old sci-fi action movies never get tiresome to me.

Speaking of sci-fi action movies, one of my newest favorites is The Island (2005). I shared it with my parents over the weekend. My dad loved it, but my mom just complained the whole movie. "Oh, that couldn't happen." It's a M-O-V-I-E... enjoy it, don't whine because it may not be realistic. I had this discussion with a friend the other night on the phone. Forget what all the critics say, we go to the movies to escape from reality for a few hours. Whether or not the movie depicts realism or fantasy, it is NOT real. Roger Ebert can sit there in Chicago with a corn cob stuffed up his butt and complain that the plot and character development of a movie is a failure, but that doesn't mean it's not entertaining. Take the movie Van Helsing (2004) for instance... Yes, I agree that the acting, plot, and overall story was lacking substance, but who cares!? The special effects and sound are awesome. Vampires and werewolves are always cool too. So it had no chance to win any awards. Big deal...

Which leads me to the next movie I've seen recently... Million Dollar Baby (2005). This is the type of movie that receives unbelieveable recognition for acting, writing, screenplay, etc. And I didn't like it. Which is generally the case. For me, I want to enjoy a movie, not be utterly depressed because I watched it. It's fine to appreciate the artistic nature of making a film, but entertain me please! The first half of the film was great, almost like a Rocky movie with better acting and a flowing storyline. But once the film took a left turn at Albuquerque, the tragic drama engulfed the remainder of the film. I have great respect for the realism in the story, and the fact that it teaches us that everyone can't always bounce back up and win the championship, but it's not what I want to see when I watch a movie. The world has enough tragedy and somber storylines as it is right now without help from Hollywood. I'll flip on CNN or Fox News if I want to get depressed.

Every ACTION has a reaction.

Lately it has been action central here... I go through phases in both music and movies, depending on what mood I'm in. Within the past two days, I've seen a lot of action... and lived to tell about it!

Here's what I've watched during the past 48 hours (in no particular order):

The Bourne Identity (2002)
The Bourne Supremacy (2004)
Eraser (1996)
The League of Extraordinary Gentleman (2003)
The Legend of Zorro (2005)

And that's just recently... in the past week I'm sure I've watched around 20 or so. Since January through March is the major portion of the college basketball season, I haven't seen as many new movies as I normally would. I don't go to the theater as much as I used to a few years ago. There are a couple of reasons for this. (Maybe you agree...) 1. Cost. Why am I going to pay upwards of ten bucks to sit in an overly-crowded, kid-whining, cell phone ringing, igloo/furnace (depending on how stupid the manager is with the thermostat), where they think that bottled water is traded on the commodities market (ie. $4.00 for a 20 oz Dasani). 2. I can sit on my couch with my feet propped up (ahem!), stare at my huge ass tv, and listen to my DTS Dolby Surround that is better than the theater anyway? (Yes, I love Denis Leary)

Favorite Denis quote: "From now on, the only person who gets to yell is me. Why? Because I have a gun. People with guns get to do whatever they want. Married people without guns - for instance - you - DO NOT get to yell. Why? NO GUNS! No guns, no yelling. See? Simple little equation." (Name that movie)

And last but not least, 3. I can make loud bodily noises, scratch myself, and the most important... pause the movie; instead of causing severe damage to my kidneys when I refuse to miss anything I just spent ten bucks on!

As for the movies I listed above, the only one I really want to comment on right now is The Legend of Zorro. On my scale of 1-10, this being an overall scale, I would give it somewhere between a 5 and a 6. (The Bourne Identity and Supremacy are both in the 8 to 9 range for me) Whoever mixed the sound for Zorro must have been half deaf. I lost count of the number of times the sound faded in and out, especially during intense actions sequences. For most of you DVD enthusiasts out there, you understand what I mean when I say that most of the time, the action sequences are SO loud you have to adjust the volume to keep your neighbors from calling the police. Besides the less than adequate sound, (which is very important to me), there were a number of useless jokes the writers added to try and compete with the humor from the first Banderas picture, The Mask of Zorro (1998). (Which was MUCH better, I might add) Overall, I recommend you rent The Legend of Zorro, but save your money when you visit Best Buy or Wal-Mart.