Grab your nuts and run...

As I mentioned before, my parents have a dog. Her name is Lucee. My brother-in-law believes the dog is retarded. (This is due to his lack of getting to know her) She jumps up at you when you first come inside. This is excitement to see you, no matter who you are, not a lack of intelligence. In fact she is amazing. I think she must be part squirrel. The speed and agility she has is unmatched by any dog I've ever seen. Now take in mind she is a Minature Schnauzer. I wouldn't be as impressed if she were a Jack Russell or something.

I frequently visit my parents, but now playing with the dog has become more of a ritual than just something I do while I visit. In fact, my mother tells me that Lucee is visibly upset on days when I haven't come by. She sits and waits at the top of the steps for me. And my mother is somewhat relieved on nights I haven't been there. The reason for this once you start playing with Lucee, she will not stop until you do. We first noticed the endless energy she has when she was only a few months old. (She's about 10 months now) My parents fenced in the back yard a few years ago, so there is about half an acre of running space. In the back yard, I first discovered that no matter how many times you throw a tennis ball, Lucee will get it and bring it back. FULL SPEED. And I mean fast. Carl Lewis would look more like Jerry Lewis if he ran against her in the 100.

Not long after discovering the tennis ball, we realized she could field a baseball. My brother-in-law was hitting some practice balls to my nephews one Saturday afternoon when I stopped by. Lucee was also outside. It was unreal. Every single ball he hit, she would get it before the boys could... and then bring it back! It was crazy. I immediately started thinking, 'Let's call Letterman!' Around the same weekend, my parents called me at home and told me to come over again, I had to see something new. Apparently, a ball from the little boys next door had accidentally made its way in the back yard. It was one of those cheap grocery store kick balls. Well... Lucee was trying to put it in her mouth like the tennis ball. And it drove her insane that it was too big. Right before our eyes we watched as she discovered that if she pushed it with her nose, she could manuver it around. And trust me, she does it well... and at FULL SPEED. Try and get it from her... forgetaboutit.

Finally, just this past week, we realized that she had been chasing birds and squirrels when she was alone in the yard. My dad was grilling some steaks for us and called me out to watch her. A squirrel was taunting her from the branches of an oak tree. It was histarical. You could almost see the squirrel looking down as if to say, "Hey dumbass, come and get me!" It was jumping from tree to tree while Lucee charged underneath her yelping and howling. At the base of each tree Lucee would attempt to climb the tree. (She can't figure out why she can't!) This went on for 15 minutes or so. The squirrel finally got too brave though. It decided to test her. It jumped to the ground and ran about 50 yards to another tree. I don't think it expected to have a dog behind it stride for stride. (And of course Lucee tried to climb the tree with it when it got there) My dad and I were in stitches. And we kick ourselves now for not getting the video camera. D'oh!

So what I have finally concluded is we need to get on Letterman's stupid pet tricks and let a squirrel loose in the studio with Lucee while Paul plays that circus-type background music to add to the moment. I could only imagine the look on Dave's face during this.